Perhaps this will interest someone

1. I have a girlfriend (Peterson, email me if you wish to learn more ;)

2. I'm not seeing Bear today :( Something was messed up with hir plans for the afternoon, so we're seeing each other next Wednesday instead.

3. I'm listening to Evanescence right now. They're cool. Actually, they're really awesome.

4. I made a box out of cardboard yesterday to represent the aspects of one of my favorite fictional characters. Fun fun fun.

5. I got to play with an adorable little baby yesterday. He had the same name as my bio. brother, only the baby was/is a lot cuter.

6. I'm pissed off at one of my friends (still). I'm trying to figure out if I should talk with her about how I feel or not. I don't want to lose her..... Actually, there's another friend I'm angry with, too. But that's been going on for a while, and it would just piss me off to talk more about it, so I'll drop it.

Project: Trans Life

I'm doing my Senior Project (which partially determines if I graduate from high school) on Transgender Life (kind of a lame title for such an important endeavor, but it's all that I could come up with). I'm trying to come up with some mini subjects within the larger topic that I can portray/discuss on a PowerPoint slideshow (PowerPoint is on Microsoft, for all of you iMac/iPod/i(enter 3-letter specific product identifying word here) users out there). So, to my readers (at all Trans-identifying or not), I pose a question: If there were some aspect(s) of Transgender Life that you didn't understand fully or knew that others were confused about and you wanted to learn about either for your own knowledge or to tell said others, what would they be? Or, what are they? Ask me, I'll find out for my project, and then I'll relay that information back to you (if you still want it/haven't found it yourself after I find it).

More chronological...ism...

1. I passed in my Extended Literary Analysis today. It turned out to be 10 pages long, not counting the cover page and bibliography. When it comes to writing, I totally rock. ;D

2. I still don't know for sure if I'm seeing Bear on Friday. Keeping my fingers (and legs and toes and arms and...whatever else) crossed.

3. I'm singing at my Chorus teacher's birthday party!!!

4. I'm writing a new story (woot).

5. I really (REALLY) like my Digital Art teacher. She's very cool.

6. I'm going to my HIV Education meeting tomorrow at WIA. Fun fun fun. But, it really is, 'cause my big bro Davey is there, and he's just awesome.

7. I gotta go take my dog Elton for a walk. Bye!

Less than a day in, and the year's already interesting

I feel thoughtful today. I'm in a chronological mood. This is new.

1. I have been thinking a lot lately (which can be dangerous, hehe) and I've come up with this interesting question (or, at least it seems interesting to me): If, to a certain level, a Butch anatomically-female person is Transgender, does that mean that, again to a certain level, a Female-to-Male Transgreally ender person is Butch?

2. I really adore all these books I've been reading recently relating to Transgender politics and life and such (aka: "Transgender Rights", "My Gender Workbook", "Transgender Warriors", "Butch Is A Noun", "From the Inside Out", "Drag King Dreams", and "Stone Butch Blues" (I've read that last one a lot)). I think it's interesting to continously broaden my horizons but at the same time feel a real, valid connection to what I'm reading because the authors and I, to an extent, have some similar parts to our individual stories.

3. I want some Thai food. Particularly some golden bags from this fancy-shmancy place I go to sometimes. They're crispy little bundles, full of sausage (I think) and shrimp. And I want a Thai iced tea from the other restaurant I'm fond of.

4. I'm already sick of the Rose Bowl parade in Pasadena, CA, and I'm not even really watching it--just listening, because the rest of my family is watching it.

5. I gave my mom an ultimatum this morning: Either she defends me and my open, accepting, liberal views until I move out because I'm her child and I need her support, or she sticks with her boyfriend and his conservativity (I'm not sure if that's a word, but it fits).

6. Women are still confusing. And one in particular is really pissing me off right now.

7. There's a good chance I'm seeing Bear on Friday. And if I see hir, I'll probably be meeting hir dog. Many woots!

*Boy, have I bounced around a lot today. I must be menstruating.*

I'm gonna be a drag king!

Well, I mean, I will be if I can get together enough money to go to Georgia this summer. But, hell, if? There is no "if"! I'm gonna get a job (I'm applying to a bunch of places when everything opens again on Tuesday), and I'm gonna graduate this year, and then I'm gonna go out to GA with my boys and we're gonna KICK ASS. Well, they might. I'm sure they will. But I'm not quite sure about me. They think I'm cool shit, but I'll let you in on something *gestures for you to come closer with my finger* *whispers*: I'm not really the shiz-nit. ... ;D

There's a lot of love between me and my brothers. I know that. But something I'm afraid I might have to clue them in on before we start practicing grinding and singing and having fun and making asses of ourselves is: I CAN'T DANCE. I mean, I can grind (I think). I can be a dirty, dirty boy, but that's only sometimes. In the dark, and in the crossfire of strobe lights. When there are people surrounding me but not paying attention to me at all. But on stage... with a bunch of people watching me who probably already know my brothers and thus might have heard about me from them but, like them, don't know I don't have any rhythm... uhhhh... heheheh. Check please!

Naw, I love those guys. I trust them. I know that, if they don't think I'm ready to go onstage and perform with them while I'm out there with them, or if I don't feel confident enough, they'll give me a break. I've got faith in them--if they think I can do it (like I think they do), then I'll try. But I'll never be as confident as them when they're performing (because I bet you gotta be pretty confident to be able to do something like that on a regular basis), and I doubt I'll ever look as good as the guy at the top of this post.

New writing

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep. An hour after I took my shower and brushed my teeth, I was still wide awake and thinking clearly. I read one of the books my father and stepmother gave me for Christmas. I listened to a bit of calm, slow, sad, romantic music. I went on the Internet. But I still could not sleep. Then I got an idea for something new to write. And I sat in my bed, with my pen and paper and my old, cracked, wooden writing board, and I let the words and ideas flow out of me. The result was a long time coming. It is a document of raw, painful memories and new, positive, encouraging statements from trusted friends. I'm not going to post it yet--it's very personal, and I don't think that I'm ready to let others see it in such a public fashion. Someday, maybe you'll see it. But not now.

Naming and overcoming

First order of business tonight is that I (finally) think I may have decided what my full name will be once I change it. The winner is: Elliot Lane Manning May Holloway.

Second, and last, something happened in my Chorus class last week that really disturbed me. You see, we don't have a very big high school Chorus (it's made up of 9 people, not including our instructor) and, on Tuesdays and Thursdays it gets even smaller because the majority of our group (except for 4 of us) have Gym class during the Chorus period. So on those 2 days, it's me and 3 girls and our instructor. Anyway...you get the picture. So, on Thursday of last week, the instructor informed us that she was thinking about having us sing an arrangement of the political uprising song "We Shall Overcome", which, as far as I know (or believed until this incident) is a pretty well-known song here in the U.S. My instructor and I were getting really "into" it because it's a beautiful song with soaring harmonies and swelling dynamics. And at the end of the song, the rest of the girls looked at us with these really weird expressions on their faces. One of them said, "I'm glad you guys knew the song 'cause I don't think any of us did". This shocked me! I attended the same elementary school as one of those girls, and I learned this song there! From as far back as I can remember, I've known that song! Maybe I just had a great music teacher that none of these girls had, but I thought it was kind of a common thing for schools to teach about society and the civil rights struggle (the African American fight, if not all the current ones).

I was not angry at these girls, but at their music teachers in elementary school, whoever they were. I wonder why I learned this incredible song while these others didn't. They're only 2 or 3 years behind me...did the teachings of elementary music education really change that much in such a short timespan?