Today, a girl that thinks she likes me (but may just like my hair, because it's all she talks about) gave me an orange rose. She snuck up behind me in the cafeteria while I was having breakfast and wrapped her arms (lightly) around my neck and dropped this flower and a card down in front of me. The note says: "I don't really know what this is for but to say each day I admire you even more. The more I think about it, the more I love every bit. So here's this rose of orange color, (Red=Love + Yellow=Friendship)" It's a sweet gesture, but I just don't feel that way about her! For one thing, she's two years younger than I am, so I get the feeling it's just some crush on the person who isn't like anyone else where we go to school. And I think she may have thought that I was bullshitting her when I told her that the activism that I have planned for the upcoming year is going to take up a lot of my time, but I was being completely serious! I know for a fact that it will take up most of my time because of what I've heard from my friends and seen from them as they become steadily more involved with their own adventures in activism. And the bottom line is, I don't even really want to date a girl PERIOD. I'm just not into it! I'd much rather be dating another Transman or a Butch or a gay man. And I want to tell her that, and maybe tomorrow I will, but if this isn't a phase for her like I get the feeling it is, I don't want her to feel totally betrayed by the Queer community, because that's how I felt when I got shot down by people I was attracted to when I first started to question my sexuality three or four years ago.
And what should I think about that flower? Yes, it's just a flower, but it's not like people go around (at least, not at my school) giving roses to people they're apparently attracted to without some kind of extra emotional baggage coming along with it. When I was her age (I feel so old by saying that!), if I had given a flower to someone I liked and they had accepted it with a smile like I did this morning, I would have been on Cloud Nine because I'd have been under the impression that that meant that I had a girlfriend. She's a lot like I was two years ago, and I don't want to mislead her. But I don't want to hurt her either. However, I still have to make it known to her where I stand. Anybody got any advice for this weary Trannyboy?
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2 comments:
Yaik, that's pretty needly. I guess my advice would be to have a chat with her somewhere private, and just explain that you don't feel that way about her. Maybe you can buy her a yellow rose, so you're kind of matching her gesture but also making clear that love's not a part of it.
I'm not really in any position to judge the situation, but if I'd have to guess, I think she'd be happy to be your friend. She'll probably still have a crush for a while, but if you're clear about it not going anywhere, it should fade after a while.
I don't recommend cutting her off entirely, although some people do that when dealing with one-sided love, I think it's unnecessarily cruel. Unless she really rubs you the wrong way and you just can't stand being around her, try to be a friend.
Brought to you by: Advizitron, the useless free advice dispenser!
Advizitron. How clever, Willie. ;)
And thank you very much for your advice--I haven't seen the girl yet today, but I'm sure I will at some point.
And I don't think that advice is ever useless as long as it comes from a place of care and friendship. So, thank you.
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