I know that this is probably a common feeling amongst most Trans. people, but I feel like I'm dead weight to my family. I've been upfront with the friends I've made over the last year, and the words "I'm Transgender" have been some of the first out of my mouth when I've met them. Some of my friends have even helped me to realize that I'm Transgender, and thus have become extremely influential in this part of my coming out process. I have a great and deep love and appreciation for my Trans-identifying (and Trans-questioning) friends because they remind me that there is some humanity left in the world. And when I'm actually with them or talking on the phone with them or just engaging in some type of online conversation with them, I'm ecstatic because they're including me in their lives somehow.
But when I'm with my family (my biological family, that is) I feel like a complete outsider. Again, I'm sure this is rather universal feeling within the community of Transgender people, but knowing that I'm not alone doesn't really offer much comfort--in fact, it just makes me feel more sorry, and not just for myself but for all of us. My bio. family likes to make me feel like this is a curse--like I'm a curse. And if they don't like to, they certainly succeed to make me feel that way. But, is a little acceptance and respect from them too much to ask? I personally don't think so, but maybe it really is impossible for them to find it in their cold, intolerant hearts to give the same love to me that they did before I realized that the only way for me to live happilly is to not be their daughter or granddaughter or niece or female cousin or sister but to be the Transman I (in at least one way in every part of my life that I can remember) always knew I was meant to be.
I know I'm blessed to have the chosen family of Queer brothers and sisters that I have, and I love them with all my heart, but there's still a part of me that really wishes that my bio. family could open their minds a little more to try to see that what I'm becoming is who I am and who I want to be and that I still love them even though I'm going through such a big change that they don't understand or embrace and (maybe) never, ever will.
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7 comments:
I am so sad that you to has to go through this. You are not alone...
I'm sad about it too. Thanks for your support, Alex.
I think I did three really long posts about this before I did that first one. Threre is so much to say but thouse two sentences gets the most of it.
Yesterday I realized that I can't try to get my parents to "get it" anymore and that I have to step down. It is hard even if you are a super hero :)
I'm starting to understand that, Alex. About how hard it is to try to make people understand. But what feels even harder is realizing that it's not worth anyone's time and/or energy to keep trying to make them "get it".
I was just thinking about being an outsider. I raised a question at www.gaychristian.net about the gifts LGBTIQ folks bring to the church. Some folks said the typicall silly things like floral arrangements and such, but then someone added that we bring the experience of being an outcast.
That got me thinking about the gift we bring to our communities and families as resident ousiders. Most "outsiders" folks have to deal with come from the well, the outside. But us queer folks suddenly appear in their midst as ONE of them yet an outsider all the same.
It is one thing to ignore the creepy people on the outside (creepy for some can be anything from those without homes to cat ladies), but quite another to have to embrace your son or daughter or other who is so very different from you, yet flesh and blood.
Of course it is a HUGE risk for us. Some of the most important people in our lives can cut us out, drive us away, ignore us. And this happens, as both you Elliot, and Alex can atest to. It sucks and it hurts.
It seems unfair that we are the ones bearing gifts when we feel so needy ourselves, so in need of the gifts of acceptance, love, understanding, being part of the family. But we do bear great gifts, particularly the opportunity for these our loved ones and church family to learn how to step outside themselves and their fears to become better people, people who loves and embarces the other among them.
Such a burden to bear. It makes me think of the scripture that speaks of the incredible treasures housed inside each of us. The scripture states that we have these treasures in fragile jars of clay.
So easy to just feel the weak and brittle clay that house the treasures within.
Thank God for the both of you *hugs Alex and Peterson*. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Yeah, I have the same problem with some of my family. They say they are OK with me being Trans but if I mention anything they say “That’s all I every talk about”, but they can go on and on about a soccer game and that’s OK. I sometimes think I am like the elephant in the living room, everyone sees it but no one talks about.
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